Full-Time Writer.

Part-Time Teen Witch.

About Topher

Topher Cusumano
Credit: David Ayllon

Topher Cusumano is a humorist & playwright from Brooklyn, NY. His work has appeared on Pink Canoe, Robot Butt, Splitsider, Werrrk.com, and Hornet Stories.

His professional goals include becoming the coolest teen witch in a high school coven. The end.

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What I Do

Satire & Parody

Comedy writing with a flair for the spooky and gay.

Branded Content

Head Writer, Classic Select Brands, Marriott International.

Digital & Video

Featured by World of Wonder, Hornet, and BuzzFeed.

Queer AF

Hire me or you're homophobic.

Recently Published

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Recently Published

16 Subtle Ways to Come Out as Gay to Your Family This Thanksgiving

NewNowNext/LogoTV.com, edited by Jesse Steinbach

Welcome to Our Extremely Tasteful, Dangerously Haunted Dream Home

SplitSider/Vulture.com, co-written with Lillian Stone, edited by Brian Boone

In Honor of National Poetry Month, Gag on These ‘Drag Race’ Haiku

Hornet Stories, edited by Matt Keeley

I Will Fix Antoni From ‘Queer Eye’, For I Am a Lesbian Chef Warrior

Pink Canoe, edited by Courtney O'Donnell

Call Me Back, Please: 10 Voicemails From the Mothers of Our Favorite LGBTQ Icons

Hornet Stories, edited by Stephan Horbelt


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